I thought I was okay until I saw a certain someone this morning. I'm really really really trying to be happy, but things just don't seem to be working out for me right now.

This is seriously my first heartbreak and it's absolutely AWFUL. I can't stand it. I dread going to school just because I know I'll have to see her, then after I see her I automatically am in the worst mood ever and I can't enjoy the rest of my day. I just want to be able to hang out with my brother and sister and nephew and enjoy my life.

I need to get over this. I HAVE to get over this. Fast.

Conosaurus-rex

I've been better lately. I'm trying to move on and set myself up for happiness.

I love my life with all of my heart. I really do. I live with My kick ass brother and his awesome wife and their metal (but not as metal as me) child. They're the best. My brother is absolutely hilarious and can always make me laugh. Lauren is absolutely incredible and will say things out of no where that you would never expect a girl to say. Conor is just nuts. That kid is absolutely incredible. I look up to him in a sort of look down at him way (if that makes any sense). He hasn't a care in the world. He colors and plays all day and doesn't give 2 shits about anything, but at the same time, he's just awesome. I would take a bullet for him in a heartbeat.

Sucks that I'm going to have to leave all this soon, but I can't wait to be home.

ARG.

Just when you think you're moving on and getting someone out of your life they decide to just jump right back in and start drama.

Awesome.

I'm going to bed.

Who do we look to if all we know is burning bridges?

Well today was interesting. Morning didn't go as anticipated, but oh well. I feel like I'm getting better somewhat. It seriously helps a lot when Carmey comes over.

But I digress...

It seriously helps whenever Carmey comes over, she's awesome. Straight up. She, somehow, is able to put anyone in a better mood. It made my day when I was ranting about Moriah and Carmen said, "You know what Jesse, fuck that shit, those people aren't your real friends." I mean come on, that's incredible.

It also helps alot knowing there's people in Texas who miss the hell out of me and can't wait for me to get back. I'm glad I still have some good friends left in this world.

On a brighter note, Stephen and Lauren seem to be doing alot better. I can't even express to you how happy that makes me. Seeing them unhappy is hell. I know everything isn't quite back to normal with them, but It's normal enough to where I don't get stressed over it. I love them more than life itself.

Me and Stephen also decided to start MMORPGGP (Massive Multiplay Online Role Playing Game Girl Party) It will commence this Friday night I do believe, and I'm seriously stoked.

I'm ready to get my life back on track and keep going uphill. No girl is worth losing what I've gained over the past 364 days.

-76 more AWESOME days.

asdfghjkl;

Today was rough. I was sick, and stressed. Hopefully all that stress is over now. It's only monday and I'm seriously ready to get this stupid week over with. I hate how someone can walk into your life and you think it's the best thing that's ever happened, but in the end, they tear it to shreds.

I seriously just want to move on and get past all of this. Ahhh.

I'm seriously all over the place with my mood. I need something to straighten it out. I really want to enjoy these next 77 days. I really really do, but I'm not going to be able to do it on my own. I need a massive amount of help from the 3 people in this house.

Just 3 more days of school until Sprriinnngg brreeaaakk! My goal is to be back to the regular 'ole Jesse by the end of spring break.

Jesse out.

Take 2

There's more on my mind. I feel as if i don't belong, it's confusing really. I'm trying to not dwell on all of this drama, but I'm just not quite sure how to go about it. I'm getting support from friends and family, but I'm not letting it get through my thick skull.

Frustration.

Ways to cope? There's always that option of going back to the drugs and self-harm, but look where that got me, I'm not sure if it's worth it.

I'm really trying to enjoy spending this time with my family I don't get to see as often as I wish. This all just blows quite frankly.

I'm going to try and have a better day tomorrow and hopefully with support of friends and family I can enjoy these next 3 months.

And on the 3rd day Blog created the Blog

I've decided to start blogging. "Why?" You may ask. Well it's simple really. Who cares.

Today I've realized a few things. Real friends will stick with you no matter what. And that if someone is pathetic enough to try to ruin your life because they think you insulted them in a way you didn't, then they're not worth getting upset over. Even though I am.

So, my friends, I ask one thing of you;

Pleas try and be extra awesome until I become myself again.

But until then, let me leave you with a few words of wisdom...

Who fuckin' cares.